[3-25-23] As if this year couldn't get any worse.

My money got stolen from my bank account

To add shit to the fire that is 2023, 1.5k was stolen out of my savings account. I am in utter distraught as that I have been saving that money since the beginning of the year. Because of that, I have truly felt depression over me this entire time. This absolutely cracked me a bit i'll be real. I did end up contacting my bank and to submit a forum about this situation and that soon I will be getting a brand new bank account numbers and debit card. I assume they will be able to give me my money back after I switched everything over, Which will be monday when I'll be doing the full transfer (I have bills this week and there was no way I could just simple switch between the time- Wait no I did. I just realized it's saturday and I would have had this taken care of by now, FUCK.).

Anyways, I do know what exactly happened and where my finger is pointing is obvious. About 2-3 weeks ago now, I had to get money out of my bank to pay back this lady who was hosting one of those work food parties in which someone goes out and gets food for everyone who paid/Who will pay. So I went to my local gas station (This gas station I've been with for like 4 years mind you) and withdrew from my savings when using the ATM machine. Now, This was the first time ever in my life that I used my savings instead of checking account. At the time, I did have 1.5k in my savings (I ended up having more than that a week later mind you). A week later, the day I got paid, I almost reached my 2k mark for the first time in my life. Which was a goal I had for having money for my "Just in case" funds. This could have went to emergencies and/or vacation situations. But mainly saving back to move out later when I get my own place. It was later that night, I was in bed and was checking my account and... Boom. 1.5k missing from my savings. I flipped the FUCK out that night, All that progress has just been wiped. I was better the next day when I contacted my bank and they filed that debit report about my money stolen. Currently, Only my savings was frozen since that's what they ended up getting since the transaction altogether was a ACH transaction, Which means they got my savings account number, Which is a bigger deal than getting my debit card. Anyways, this just worsened my overall depression that I have been having this entire year.

Fiance Update

So this past week she has started her Chemo therapy and Radiation. It was scary seeing her going through Chemo because the initial reaction (Which is actually common) had her not feeling too good and, I'm just not going into details. Basically doctors put it on a slower dosage and revved up the dose later on to the normal and she went through it fine. And she also went through Radiation throughout the week, monday through friday. So currently, She's actually handling everything like a champ, Of course the tumor part only hurts right now is due to radiation but overall she feels fine. She will be doing this until the end of April. But 1 week done, 5 more to go if i recall.

Going into Mental Health

So since the last update, I have been looking up symptoms of my mental health to get a good idea for what I might have. I only say might because it could be other things or that I'm not 100% certain what I exactly have, Not trying to self diagnose as I won't say I have this and that until it's confirmed by a professional. Now the first culprit I've witnessed about this was OCD, and to me it makes a lot of sense but not everything lines up exactly. Apparently the whole intrusive thoughts I've been dealing with for such a long time (Since I was like 6-7 years old), had a link to OCD. Apparently you can get just intrusive thoughts without it being OCD, which there's still some speculation going on until I get an actual professional to help me with this. Unwanted Violent and Sexual thoughts have plagued my mind for so long, It props images or scenes in my head and I sometimes shake my head, or rapidly tilt my head foreward down when these thoughts appear. However the worse is just slapping my self and clentching to myself and curling down and holding my head until the thoughts stop, Of course this scenerio happens when I'm away from computer and that I'm in a public place or even at work. What makes it more sense of it being potentially OCD is how I like having clean workspaces, No clutter and all that. I hate seeing clutter and I make sure that my place looks nice and neat as possible, Of course it's not to the extreme as it usually has some things on my desk and I'm kinda like "Eh, Whatever" about it. Like this bottle of Sriracha or my Raspberry Pi and my cassette and my usb drive dedicated to OS systems. But I like having my desk space organized, I tend to change up my room through the year atleast once a year. Atleast once. Not only that but I typically change out or restart my operating system multiple times per year, Hell even recently through this year I already did that once. I also can't stand not brushing my teeth when I wake up in the morning, I HAVE to brush my teeth anymore, Which it is a good habit to have and a habit I have formed. Yes, Manipulating my mental health in order for me doing the good thing for once is a change I don't mind doing. It feels so nice taking showers and Brushing my teeth but damn it drives me nuts when I don't have a good shower or brushing my teeth AAGH. Anyways, Used to having bad habits and never doing so. Always having a routine daily and I'm trying my best to break old habits and stuff.

Another one I gotta talk about, It's about Bipolar. Now I have a family history, and was diagnosed by a medical doctor in which I was like "That's fucking bullshit" when I was younger cause he was a medical doctor and not a professional psychiotrist. But y'know what? It wasn't until I started to learn about Psychosis, In which learning about it made me realize how the symptoms I've been going through this entire time made me understand why my thoughts proceive things the way I do. I am still not considering this as a real diagnosis, But having Manic and Depressant moods and having a doctor say it before. It all makes sense now. Now I guess, I just have to wait til I have an opportunity to get help. Which right now I have various other things on my plate I'm dealing with.

Anyways, This was a very long post with a lot of thoughts and I kinda wanna make this blog update as it is. I'm deffo wanting to do things again. I will make another blog post that's talking about other things that I have witnessed lately that I'm quite excited for, but not right now. Anyways, See you all later. Peace